A New Beginning

So it has been about seven months since I have posted anything on this blog. The last few months have definitely not been my best. I gained weight, hit a self-esteem low point and lost all confidence and motivation I had in myself.
It’s time to turn myself around and start this again. The road to success has many failures and I’ve always known this but I didn’t expect to be heading in the wrong direction for such a long period of time. The only thing I can do now is see it as a learning experience and continue moving forward.
I recently turned twenty one and for my birthday I received multiple vouchers and a reasonable amount of money. I decided to put all of that away until I reach my weight goal and to use it as a reward to go shopping. I told my dad this at which point he asked, “So what is your weight goal?”. I had no idea because I’m not weighing myself (because if I do I’ll unhealthily obsess over it) so I bought myself lingerie from Agent Provocateur including a waspie (which is like a corset) in a size 10 and decided that my goal is to fit into it without muffining over the top.
I have quite a way to go and I’m not giving myself any time limit because I’ve realised having a time frame stresses me out to the point where I screw up or give up. I just have to believe in myself and I will get there. I’ll have my bad days and I’ll have my good days but as long as there is more good than bad I will be moving forward.
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2013

As some of you may have guessed from my lack of posts over the last few weeks, I’ve let myself go a bit over Christmas and in general. I’ve been really struggling with finding motivation and constantly giving in to that voice in my head that tells me I can’t do it.

But with a new year comes new hope. I’ve started a 21 day detox to kick start my weight loss for the year and I’ve made it my goal to lose 7 kg in the next 10 weeks. Which will get me just under my pre-Bali weight. Here’s a link if you’re interested in the detox. (You have to buy a book though, which is great and has a shopping list and heaps of recipes.)

I’m going to put something on my bedroom wall to remind me of the date in 10 weeks. I’m going to search for motivation in every little place that I can because this time I don’t want to fail. Failing would be harder than succeeding.

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The Most Important Part

I’m sure if you’re wanting to lose weight or change your lifestyle you’ve seen hundreds of quotes and images about needing to love yourself. If you’ve hated yourself for as long as you can remember like me, this is a really hard one to get your head around.
Every time I thought negatively about myself my boyfriend would tell me to stop thinking about it and start thinking about positives and I would get so mad at him for not understanding that it wasn’t possible for me to do that, not in that frame of mind.
Now I’m finally starting to get it. No switch went off, there was no defining moment of change, it just slowly happened. I don’t stand in front of the mirror and tear myself down anymore and more importantly I don’t understand why I ever did. Did I enjoy it in some sadistic, self sabotaging way? I have no clue.
The first step was realising that I needed to change my way of thinking, despite being told over and over, I needed to realise for myself. I knew I couldn’t become fit and healthy by hating myself. I just didn’t know how to start loving myself.
One day, for no reason in particular, I googled “how to love yourself” and I found this page:
http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-17-ways/
It’s nothing I hadn’t heard before, but everything started to change. This won’t work for everyone struggling with themselves, but the point is, you have to find something that will work. You have to try and try and never give up, because you have to. There is absolutely no point in hating yourself. Where will it get you?
I’m proud to say that I love myself, I love my body and I love who I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t see room for improvement but I think that because of this love I’ve discovered I can now more effectively lose weight because I’m not eating certain things just to lose weight but to nourish my body and do what’s best for it because I deserve it.
Quote and Illustration by Lori Weitzel

About Me

I’m not some kind of success story that you should be taking advice from. I’m just a girl on my own weight loss journey. I’m starting this blog for my own sake. I think the research into the “why?” will help me as well as having all my recipes and tips in one place to remind me of how to do this.

I’m hoping my blog will also help others so that’s why I’m putting it in a public forum.

Since finishing high school in 2010 I’ve lost 16kg but then put some on and then lost some and then put some on again. That’s just how it goes. I joined a gym about eight months after finishing school, lost some weight; started cutting out some shit of my diet, lost some more weight; tried various detoxes and diets, lost more weight, put more weight on and now I’ve joined a new gym I feel much more comfortable at and I’m giving clean eating a shot.

So far so good… I went to Bali in July this year (2012) and leading up went to the gym 4-5 times a week and ate strictly according to clean eating. Since that’s come and gone I’ve lost my motivation, struggling to drag myself to the gym twice a week and constantly eating things I know I shouldn’t. I get depressed about my weight so I’ve made the pledge to stop weighing myself and focus more on a look.

This is my new motivation and I’m sure as hell hoping it works.

I’m not studying and my long term dream is to open a cafe with my boyfriend who I’ve been head over heels about since we were 17 and 19. He’s my rock. The one who always tells me how beautiful I am when I’m down and the one who I never believe.

I live at home with my mum, my boyfriend and my precious doggy and shithead cat, who I love. Soon my mum will be moving to Metung with her fiance, my dad will be moving to Harrietville with his partner and my brother to Perth with his girlfriend leaving Shaun and I in Melbourne with my mums house. I’m very lucky for that. I still feel like a kid who’s life hasn’t started. I’m wondering when all that’s going to change.

My 17th Birthday 2009

My best friend Julie – Love her to bits but I always felt like the short, fat one

My 18th Birthday – Never brunette again

October 2010 – Around my heaviest 80kg

November 2010

Year 12 formal 2010

December 2011 – Shaun and his mum

February 2012 – Me and Shaun – Phillip Island

Nine weeks of clean eating – May to July 2012

Bali – July/August 2012

October 2012

My perfect doggie – Bindi – October 2012

Silly cat – Kimba – October 2012